If you are abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
If you question whether or not you've been abused by an intimate
partner, or whether or not you are at risk for intimate partner
abuse, click one of the following links read the material then return
to this page and read fixing your life:
Intimate partner abuse
Toward you
Toward your child
Learn now how to protect yourself physically
before someone tries to hurt you be reading Self
Defense.
If you have a friend you suspect is abused,
learn how to help at Stopping a friend's abuse.
Fixing Your Life
It's not
your fault.
Abuse, whether physical, emotional or both, is dead wrong. You do
not deserve it, because nothing anyone could possibly do would justify
abuse. There are other ways to discipline a teenager and to steer
them in the right direction. Parents or guardians can reward or
encourage appropriate behavior. They can take away a privilege like
watching television, or going out on a particular weekend.
These types of discipline are at worst annoying. They don't make
you feel violated, afraid, isolated, used, ashamed, or terrified.
It doesn't matter what rules you might have broken. It doesn't
matter what religious sins you may have committed. It doesn't
matter what thoughts or fantasies you may have had. Nobody can control
their thoughts. And everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't matter
how you act or what you do. The truth is you never deserve abuse.
We and many others are on your side!
You are not by any means
alone.
About 3 million child abuse reports are made each year. It's estimated
that these reports only account for one third of the total child
abuse and neglect incidences in the U.S. This means there could
likely be 9 million child abuses per year in the United States alone.
This is a very depressing statistic. However, the positive side
to this fact is that there are literally tons of people that have
lived through similar situations of this horrible nature, people
who have emerged from a life of fear to make a better life for themselves.
Because of these people and the thousands of children being abused
today, you don't have to feel hopelessly alone. This country is
fully aware of this severe problem and has set up resources to help
you.
Reach out to an adult.
First of all there are hotlines you can call right now with professional
adults trained to help you. You can call them from anywhere, they
can give you priceless advice, and you don't have to pay a penny.
It's important to talk to someone that has a background on abuse,
and someone who can give you an outside perspective on your situation.
Often those abusing you will threaten to prevent you from discussing
your abuse with others. Regardless of what anybody tells you, calling
a hotline from a phone outside of your house can not possibly do
you any harm. Whether or not you call a hotline, you must get help
from an adult. If a family member or one of your parents is abusing
you, tell the other parent. If the other parent won't help you,
you need to seek help from an adult outside of your family. Never
be ashamed of what has happened to you. It is not your fault. If
you don't seek help the abuse will only get worse. It will take
courage to talk with an adult about your abuse, but you must do
it to salvage your life. If neither parent will help you, and you
want to save your family, seeking outside help is the only way to
do it. You can talk to a relative, a teacher, a school counselor,
or any adult you know well. You must realize that certain professionals
such as teachers or counselors are bound by the law to report the
abuse of minors. This law was setup to help families, not to hurt
them. The only force breaking up your family is the person who is
abusing you. By talking with an adult, you will gain access to the
help you need and are entitled to. The person abusing you may be
in need of help as well.
Follow Through
Once you have contacted a hotline
or adult that is willing to help or offer advice, follow through
with action in order to stop the abuse and get help for yourself.
If the family can be saved, it will need family counseling. You
may need to live outside of your family for a while, or you may
not. Whatever may happen, remember, you have no choice but to seek
help. This is the only way to stop the abuse and to prevent further
abuse from happening to you or anybody else.
Healing
There is life after abuse. You must choose to survive. By getting
help and taking action, you will have achieved a tremendous accomplishment.
You may need professional help from a psychologist. Getting over
abuse is not easy. For a period of time you may feel angry, sad
and bitter. There are people who live their whole lives in that
state, controlled by these negative feelings. Then, there are people
who decide to not let their anger and bitterness toward their family,
their abuser or their situation control their lives. They eventually
let go of the pain and focus on living a happy life. They focus
on the confidence they've gained by making a better life for
themselves. They focus on the moment and on their new found future.
They learn that there are people who deserve their love, trust and
compassion. There is life after abuse and it can be wonderful. As
long as you seek help from an adult, you can bring an end to your
abuse. Then the only suffering you will have left, will be feelings.
Feelings, you have the power to leave behind.
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