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Stopping a Friend's Abuse
If you suspect your friend is abused, find a
place where your friend feels comfortable and teel your friend,
you care deeply for them. Explain how precious they are to you.
Tell them you are worried about them and offer to listen if they
want to talk to you about anything.
Then lend a non-judgmental ear. Avoid telling
them how they feel or should feel. Avoid telling them what to do
about it. Instead, once you have been the listener, you may ask
them if they considered getting help one way or another. Most importantly,
be someone they can talk to.
Believe what they are saying, even if they sound
doubtful or their memories are vague. People who are abused often
have extreme difficulty facing the truth. They may be denying what
is happening to them. It may be very difficult for them to talk
about it, to remember it or describe it. If you act skeptical or
show that you don't believe them, it can be devastating for them.
They may never reach out for help again to anyone if that occurs.
Do not break your friend's trust. They need
someone they can talk to without fear that you will tell someone
else. If you tell anyone without their permission, you will be violating
their trust and you will then be unable to help them. The only exception
is when your friend is considering suicide, you already encouraged
them to get help, and they refused to do so. Then you must seek
help from an agency immediately. (see help directory: suicide)
Avoid overwhelming your friend with your own
feelings. Your friend has enough emotional distress to cause them
pain. If they are abused by a family member or intimate partner,
and you tell them how much you hate their abuser, they may feel
guilty talking to you. They may feel guilty for upsetting you and
bringing you into their misery.
Make it clear that you understand that they
must heal at their own pace and you are willing to be there for
them as long as it takes. Healing can take a very long time. Avoid
ever showing that you are tired of hearing about their problems.
Avoid sympathizing with the abuser and avoid
rationalizing or justifing the abuse in any way.
Assure your friend that it is not their fault.
They may feel that it is in some way. Nobody asks to be abused.
Asking for attention, affection or love is not the same thing.
After listening to them and establishing yourself
as someone they can trust, ask them if they've considered seeking
help from a professional, a trusted adult or an agency. Offer them
a phone number, credentials, success stories or other background
information on a place or person they can turn to. Make it clear,
that there is no pressure for them to do so, and that you will always
be here to listen.
Child Abuse
Childhelp USA and National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453
Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
Rape
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE
Crisis &
Grief Counseling
Boys Town National Hotline
Crisis counseling for girls and boys and referral to local help
www.ffbh.boystown.org
1-800-448-3000
National Urban
league
Organization that "helps youth fight the temptations of the street"
1-888-326-YOUTH
National Runaway
Switchboard
1-800-621-4000
The National
"YOUTH" Crisis Help line
1-800-999-9999
Kristin Brooks
Hope Center
A national organization that links callers to local crisis centers
www.livewithdepression.org
1-800-SUICIDE
American Foundation
for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
Great info on suicide and suicide prevention with useful links
www.afsp.org
1-888-333-AFSP
the Covenant
House
1-800-999-9999 crisis hotline
www.covenanthouse.org/cov/con.htm
Although written for young kids, this site can provide useful information
for adolescence on how to cope with thoughts of
Running away www.covenanthouse.org/kid/kid_run/kid_run.htm
Suicide www.covenanthouse.org/kid/kid_sui/kid_sui.htm
Abuse www.covenanthouse.org/kid/kid_abu/kid_abu.htm
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