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The commitment: Once
you have given birth, you and the father must invest at least the
next 20 years in parenting each child you produce. According to
the USDA (U.S. Dept. of Agriculture), it will cost from $115,020
to $228,690 for two parents to raise one of their two children,
born in 1998, for its first 18 years. In addition, you must support
your own living expenses, which could add up to $356,000. Sending
a child to private college for four years cost about $90,200 in
1997. Public college cost around $41,900. With 18 years of inflation,
4 years of public college will likely cost $76,000. Without a high
school diploma you cannot support yourself and your child. Government
aid will not allow you to live comfortably. Parents, after generously
investing 20 years of their life caring for their children, are
rarely thrilled when the life they've planned and earned has
to be put on hold to care for your children. This is the commitment
you make by planning to keep the baby.
Option
1
Keep the baby. Marry the father.
This is no guarantee
that you and the father will be together forever. In fact, most
teen marriages end in divorce. You could have a better chance if
you both were already planning to marry each other before the baby
was conceived, if you both have finished high school and if you
both have reached a high level of maturity and commitment toward
each other. Either way you have to realistically evaluate your situation.
Do you and the father have a high school diploma. If the father
does not, he will have to work incredibly hard to support his new
family. This can be an overwhelming stress for a man in his teens.
Marriage alone can be too much pressure for men to think about well
into their late 20's. Having children can be an overwhelming
financial responsibility even with a solid job and education. If
you don't have a high school diploma and your marriage ends
in divorce, which is statistically most likely to occur, you will
be a single parent. (See below)
If you're
considering marrying the father, make sure you're doing it for
the right reasons, namely those that would have existed whether
or not you had a baby. For a long lasting happy marriage, make sure
of the following...
- You
both have a mutual love and understanding.
- You
both are able and ready to support another person.
- You
both are without a doubt committed
to each other and to the baby.
- Your
personalities are compatible.
- You don't fight often.
- You
both have genuinely nice, giving, unselfish personalities.
- You
both have similar interests, and compatible life goals and life
plans.
- You
enjoy being together no matter where you are or what you're
doing.
Option
2
Keep the baby. Raise it yourself.
As a single parent you will spend the next 22 years supporting yourself
and your child. Children of pregnant teens are more likely to become
pregnant teens themselves, so you can expect to help raise your
child's child as well. If you don't have help you will have
to attempt to work, take care of a child, finish high school and
fight to get off welfare, which can be next to impossible. Parents
or relatives might step in to help. Remember they already invested
20 years of their life to raise you. By deciding to raise the child
and being unable to support it alone, you are forcing them into
a decision that is very difficult for them to ignore or refuse.
They've earned their freedom to live their remaining days attending
to their own needs and goals. But how can they turn down their child
in need. This puts a lot of pressure on families of pregnant teens.
Not only will you lose your freedom due to your motherly responsibilities
to the child, but your independence from your parents will be postponed
as well. Let's say it works out. Your parents help take care
of the child while you go to school. Everyday you come home and
manage to care for your child and finish your homework. You achieve
an education that enables you to support your child on your own.
How has the child been effected? First of all, The child will be
passed back and forth every day, as it is taken from you when you
go to school and sees you during your time at home. You are its
only parent. However, it is often cared for by someone else. In
addition, it doesn't have a father. Fathers are important. Unfortunately
not everyone has first hand knowledge as to why, often because they
themselves didn't have a father throughout growing up. The following
facts speak for themselves...
- In
1996, young children of single mothers were 10 times as likely
to live in poverty.
- Children
without fathers are at a much higher risk for drug and alcohol
abuse.
- Children
living apart from their fathers are 4.3 times more likely to smoke.
- Children
in single parent families are 2 to 3 times more likely to develop
emotional and behavioral problems.
- Fatherless
children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
- 3 out
or 4 teen suicides occur in households where a parent has been
absent.
- Fatherless
children are more likely to commit criminal acts
Children growing
up in a single-mother household have no way of knowing first hand
what the role or value of a father is. This can encourage girls
to believe they can single-handedly take care of an entire family.
It can cause girls to limit the value they place on their husband
and the father of their child. It can cause guys to devalue their
own role as a father and husband. It can limit a guy's understanding
as to what their role is. Of course, there are children of single
families that are excellent spouses or parents. However, if you
were raised in a single family home, you may want to consider investigating
the value of having two parents.
Option
3
Place the baby up for adoption
Placing a baby up for adoption is a wonderful choice. You give both
you and your baby a chance to live a happy life. Your baby enters
a loving family that is both extremely willing and able to offer
the child the love and support he/she needs. It will be difficult
to give the baby up, but the gift you're giving the baby should
help fill any grief with relief. If you decide to place the baby
up for adoption do it before it's born or at the time of birth.
Trying to raise the baby and realizing you are unable to care for
it can be devastating to a child's life. The trauma of being
taken from its mother once you've developed a bond will be emotionally
damaging. The longer you wait before placing the baby up for adoption,
the less likely it is for the baby to find a home. Today there are
open adoption programs, which allow you to select parents for your
child. Depending on the program you may be able to receive updates
on your child's progress, or you may even be able to have contact
with the child.
As mentioned
before, most teens aren't emotionally or financially prepared
for motherhood. BUT a woman in her late teens is actually at her
peak physical condition for having a successful pregnancy. Women
in their late teens are highly fertile, in relatively good physical
condition, have a higher supply of energy and are least likely to
have a child with a birth defect.
Teens that have
put a baby up for adoption immediately after birth, usually believe
they've made a good choice. Quotes from these women include...
"For me, I know I did the right thing." and "It's a peaceful
decision."
For adoption
info contact the National Adoption Center at 1-800-862-3678 or nac.adopt.org.
Option
4
Have an Abortion
See our Abortion Section.
Take
care of your baby
by taking care of yourself
Visit your doctor or clinic as soon as you suspect you might be
pregnant and continue to see your doctor on a regular basis to monitor
your health and that of your baby. Mothers between the ages of 18
and 35 normally visit their doctor...
- Once
a month the first 7 months
- Once
every 2 to 3 weeks during month 8
- Once
a week from during month 9 until delivery
Mothers younger than 18 may need to visit their doctors
more often.
Do not take
any drugs, not even aspirin, without asking your physician first.
Many drugs can severely harm your baby's health, especially
when taken during the early months of pregnancy.
Don't
smoke. Smoking can kill your baby or cause physical and/or mental
handicaps.
Don't
drink alcohol. Alcoholic beverages can cause fetal alcohol syndrome,
characterized by impaired vision, impaired hearing, severe facial
abnormalities, abnormal spinal curvature, lack of coordination,
and behavioral problems.
Eat a healthy
balanced diet, containing all the food groups to give your baby
all the nutrients it needs. Take any vitamins your doctor recommends,
including iron.
Consume more folic acid. Eat foods fortified
with folic acid, or take a folic acid supplement in addition to
eating folate-rich foods. Folic acid reduces the occurrence of birth
defects.
Exercise
regularly.
Report abnormal
symptoms such as sudden weight gain, bleeding, blurred vision,
severe headaches, and swelling of the face or limbs.
See Labor
& Delivery
Thank
you sir. May I have another?
1/4 of teenage mothers have a second child within 2 years of their
first. Before you join this group make sure you have the resources
to take care of two children for the next 2 years. Make sure your
children will have a committed mother and father with a good relationship.
IF you are a single parent, consider what it will takeÉ working
2 jobs, sending your child to day care, having your child taken
care of by someone other than his mother while you're at work,
etc. Consider not having a supportive spouse when you need someone
to lean on, because the stress has become too much and you can't
remember the last time you had a life of your own. As in pregnancy,
the life of a single mom always comes second to that of your child,
because your child simply cannot live without your constant attention
and financial support. Don't trust any man who says he'll
be there for you if he hasn't put a ring on your finger already.
Moving in with you is also a false sense of security. The majority
of couples that live together before marriage never get married.
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